“I had to ask the guy next to me to pinch me to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.”

“We have clearance Clarence.” “Roger Roger. What’s our vector Victor?”

“Surely you can’t be serious.” “I am serious, and stop calling me Shirley.”

“The fog is getting thicker.” “And Leon’s getting LARGER!”

“She has to be taken to a hospital.” “Hospital?! What is it?!” “It’s a big building with patients, but that’s not important right now.”

“The oil pressure, I forgot to check the oil pressure! When Kramer hears about this the *hits gonna hit the fan.” (The the literal visual happens)

“The moose says you’re closed, I say you’re open.”

“Do you know what the penalty in this state is for cruelty to animals?” “No I don’t” “Well, it’s probably pretty stiff.”

“Well someone better explain or … there’ll be a lot of explaining to do!”

“But what if when you got to Florida it was closed?” “Oh they don’t close Florida.” “Well I know they don’t close the state of Florida.”

“We’ll all have so much f***in’ fun we’ll be singing zippity do da out of our ***holes!”

“This cabin smells.” “Edna, this is yours.”

“Oh that woman? Well she was a pool waitress and I was ordering some food.”

“Do you have Pacman?” “No” “Do you have Space Invaders?” “Nope” “Do you have Asteroids?” “No but my dad does. Some times he can’t even sit on the can.”

“Yeah you didn’t get to meet Dinky last night. He had the *hits so he slept in the barn.” “Oh, great.”

“”I got laid off when they closed that asbestos factory, and now wouldn’t you know it, the government cuts my disability pension because they said the plate in my head wasn’t big enough.”

“You didn’t order the Metallic Pea?” “Metallic Pea??”

“Are you satisified, she’s deaf!” “Oh what’s the difference it was fun anyway.”

“Hey underpants!”

“Don’t just blurt it out about Edna dying.” “I suppose we should ask them to play 20 questions.”

“Did you tell them the good news?” “What good news?” “You’re driving me to Phoenix!” “Phhhllllllt!”

But I will add one of my favs…

“How ’bout a nice…greasy, pork sandwich….served in a dirty ashtray?”

And, to go with it…

“He’s an a**hole. Look at his haircut. Anyone with a haircut like that…you know he’s an a**hole.”

and…

-“What are you guys doing here?”
-“Gary was just takin’ a s***.”

Hell, I can;t seem to stop…

“What’s two unpopular d***s like you doing, throwing a party?”

That’s enough. If I don’t stop, I’ll have the entire movie quoted before long.